USA Unviels Third Jersey vs. Ecuador

Soccer fans, US Soccer has just found another means to weasel its way into your discretionary spending.

An announcement made today trumpeted the arrival of the moment every enthusiast has waited for: another alternate jersey. Yes, the royal and white-pinstriped wonder that is being tabbed as the 2007 US MNT Third Jersey will finally grace its glitzy self upon the Star-Spangled banner scene this Sunday, when Bob “Don’t Call Me Interim Manager” Bradley unleashes his footballing troops against the Ecuadorean Enemy in Tampa, Florida.

Waitaminute…I’m hearing crickets…what? You guys aren’t excited about this great new piece of clothing that will show not only your patriotism but your unabashed fashion sense?

Well, I have a confession: neither am I. The jersey itself screams “cheap Wal-Mart imitation.” And pinstripes? White pinstripes on a dark jersey? That’s so ten years ago

C’mon US Soccer! You guys can do better than this! You already have! The 2006 US MNT third jerseys – which harkened back to the 1950 World Cup models – were instant classics, not only because of their historic wink to one of the greatest upsets in World Cup history, but because they simply looked swell. I know they were proclaimed as a one-time/send-off jersey, but to be greeted with this unspectacular vertically-striped abhorration?

Heck, royal blue isn’t even an official color of the squad. Yes, I know, at some point it was. That point was during the 1990s, a decade when even denim was considered fair game for a US soccer jersey. At least those jerseys – those beautiful monstrosities- had a certain unique what-were-they-thinking charm. These shiny shirts – even Britney wouldn’t be caught wearing one (In other words: Avoid this jersey like Fido avoids contaminated puppy chow).